He just doesn’t understand…

He does not realize I am slowly slipping away. He has changed, he is not the man I used to spend endless nights talking on the phone with. All those hours spent on the webcam just to feel like we slept next to each other seem so long ago, it almost feels like those times never happened…

I obviously do not see myself as a prize, but in his eyes that is all I want to be and that is how I want to be treated by him and him only not from those other guys I meet or interact with everyday. I want to be the only person that lights up his day and the only person that gives you a reason to live. I’ve done so much in these past years to make sure he is happy, but I feel he does not and will not do the same in return. I feel used and unwanted. At this point I feel pretty selfish…

I swore to myself I would not be with a man that would make me feel this way and yet here I am stuck in this situation to chose whether or not stay with him and start all over from the top. I think of all the opportunities I could have taken to get away, but then again I never thought it would come to this. I thought I was always going to be his #1 but it seems like the only time I’ll get your attention is if I dress up and prance around like every other prissy barbie we see in Santa Monica or online. 

At this point I sound like an annoying selfish bitch, but I don’t care.. For all the shit I’ve done up until this point has been all for us. All those bills I helped him pay, all those times I spotted him for food and especially all those rides I’ve given him to and where he wanted at anytime of the day are gone. I’m tired of trying. I am trying be an independent woman living my life and he has put that to a halt and made me into a whiney little bitch. I’m done and tired. A lot of this probably didn’t make sense, but I needed to get it out somehow…

—Learn to appreciate the strong woman in your life or they will throw you out like yesterdays trash and your dumbass will be asking “Why?”